Thursday, April 23, 2009


....I've spent the majority of my day packing with several of my dear friends and now our house is in boxes. We don't physically move until May 2, but most everything is in boxes now. We will be living with Stephen's parents for the next month or two while we look for a house. We're still not sure if we're going to buy or lease again this next go around. And the reason that we're moving now, before we actually find a house, is because neither of us were feeling safe in our neighborhood anymore (and it will be good to save a couple of months of rent and bills). It's crazy because the property value in our neighborhood is SO high (like the dirt alone for most small lots on our street costs $200k, $500 if you put a nice house on it). But it's still known for crime. And between: Two car break ins (well, technically 3, but we caught the guy the 2nd time), a drunk frat boy trying to get in our house at 2am, and party's all night long next door, we decided it's time to GO. So pray for our next step, we just want to do what's best for our future and we need God's guidance.

The last few days I've kinda felt gloomy about leaving our first home, the first place we ever lived together and the first place I've felt a sense of ownership over. Have you ever felt that way? I told Stephen it's like I need to subtly grieve the passing of one season and the beginning of the next; this home is very symbolic of that for me. The home feels like an extension of who I am and this home in particular represents so much of what these past two years have meant to my first salmon (thanks Jess;), waking up in the morning to my "husband" (I still call him that in morning too...I say, "Hi husband":)), decorating just the way I want (without three other female opinions;), grilling together on the patio, and for the first time in my life having my own matching dishes. And you know the funny thing? I moved in "exactly" two years ago May 1. Isn't that crazy? We've been going month to month for a year now, but it ended up being exactly two years. I took a video of our duplex this morning before we started packing (I'll attempt to post it, but that's never likely;) and just appreciated each little brass door knob, the old mexican tile, and my painted kitchen ceiling.

My friend Kathie put it best last night, "Your undoing your nest."

And as most women probably feel as they undue their nest, I'm just feeling really low, pray for that too if you can. I'm a highly emotional female, so that's part of it, but I'm also letting of a lot of expectations for our future. And I just want to take this time in my life to deepen my trust in God's plan to give me a future and a hope.
And He's never disappointed me. That's all for now, hopefully the next post will be much more colorful ;)~.


mommy4 said...

Crystal, I know how you are feeling. We are selling our house and all of our personal things are packed away, so we live in a house but its really not our own. Weird huh? This is our first house we bought and I'm a little sad we're leaving but with four kiddos and three bedrooms we really need more space. We too will rent after we sell since were not too sure about living in the city. We figure we will live in limbo for a year until we decide. But the Lord knows our heart as wives and he knows how difficult it is for us. He will give us a refreshing and calm spirit. Love you

Christy said...

aaahh friend, I got all choked up reading your post. I remember leaving the first home we bought and how I just sat in the empty living room looking around feeling oh so sad to leave the home we came home from our honeymoon too. The house we brought Morgan home to her beautiful nursery that we decorated and labored over. I rememebered all the fun times of having you and the other youth groupers over. It was very hard. God has blessed us though just like he will you guys and remember, its not the house itself so much as the heart that moves in there. I know you will honor the Lord wherever you go and use your psace to glorify and serve him. :)

Jessica said...

Ahhh, it is bittersweet leaving your first little nest. Exciting to move on but sad to leave the happy memories.

I'll pray all goes well while you live with Stephen's parents and that you can find the perfect home in the perfect location :)

Rhonda said...

I will pray for you. I was so sad to leave our little house in San Bernardino too, but God had SO MUCH MORE is store for us (that we didn't know about at the time), and He does for you too.