Friday, July 11, 2008

Reverse Culture Shock

I'm really having trouble getting "here". After only having been gone a couple of weeks, I still feel like a small piece of me is with my Themba baby (the little one I mentioned in previous entry). Everything here feels so insignificant. I almost feel depressed. Every trip makes me feel further and further away from the American dream. Not that I don't appreciate the lavish comforts America greeted me with---I feel oddly grateful for indoor ac & heating, Starbucks, my electric dryer, & big clean grocery stores---but more than that, I want my life to count. I don't want to lose the nagging suspicion that people are dying without Love in so many parts of the world, and the fact that I can impact a small corner of that world. I don't want to numb away the awkward, painful conviction to sacrifice for hurting babies by buying new designer jeans and drinking my double tall iced soy latte. I want to spend my life loving a tiny seemingly minuscule fraction of the world. I want to spend my life. God show me how.

I think this is what's called reverse culture shock. I think I'm in the "irritability and hostility" stage. But don't worry, I don't bite. More from my happy self later....

(Oh and I did miss everyone:).


Jessica said...

Ahhhh, wow. Miss you and love you. Can't wait to hear more.

Eileen said...

I'm so proud of you. Your... Eileen-e

Christy said...

I am so glad you feel that way. I have only been on smaller week long mission trips but I felt the same way whenever I get back. Almost bitter. Not ungreatful by any sense of the word. But like I am spending more time on things that are not of eternal value. You have a sweet heart like my Morgan. She wants to share God with everyone and DOES. She even followed the bug lady around the other day and asked me if she could share about Jesus with her. :)

Rhonda said...

I LOVE being on the missions field and always feel the way you have expressed when I come back. (And I still get that nagging - "What am I doing that matters?" question on a regular basis.)
I'm glad you had a great trip.
I can't wait to hear more about it.
We hope to go to Africa next year.